Dear Joe…

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I haven’t forgotten about you but things just got kinda busy. But in a good way so I hope you’ll forgive the delay in posting… 

If you recall my last post was all about my first day back in the world of fitness. Why I’d failed so many times before and how I was ready to start over. I failed…again! 🤦🏽‍♀️ As per usual I got way ahead of myself and the new regime lasted no more then a week or so….🙄

So what did I do about it? Nothing. I didn’t dwell on it, I didn’t feel guilty about it, I just decided it wasn’t quite right and I just got on with things. That’s my new way of dealing with things that would have normally stressed me out or gotten me down and annoyed with myself. No more negativity over here!! 👌

There have been a few other things that haven’t quite gone as I’d hoped in the last few months. The house purchase being the main one. Long story short, it didn’t work out. But weirdly I wasn’t too gutted about it. Aside from the feeling of ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ I also felt a sense of relief. The whole process was so stressful and it made me realize that maybe I wasn’t quite ready to chain myself to a life of mortgage payments, house improvements and well lets be honest….not having much of a life. So for now I’m staying where I am and putting that idea on hold! 

Since then I’ve just focused on myself and doing things that make me happy. I’ve caught up with friends, spent a lot of time in the kitchen doing what I love (and feeding my coworkers 😂) and of course there has been lots of chill time with Toby. 

There’s this one big thing that has made me really happy and has given me almost a whole new lease of life….I am no longer medicated!! 🙌 It’s been over a month now since I came off my meds and I’ve never felt stronger, more motivated and positive. It’s like a cloud has been lifted and my head feels clearer and my whole body just feels lighter. 

I never imagined I’d get here….in the past when I’ve come off my meds I’ve felt uneasy and almost a little unsafe. Always waiting to fall back into a dark hole. I don’t know what’s different this time but those feelings aren’t there. I’ve accepted that I will have times when I will struggle and there will be wobbles, but for the first time in god knows how long I’m ok with that and I don’t feel the need for medical help.

As a result I’ve been doing some ‘spring’ cleaning in my life. Removing the things, people, thoughts that have been holding me back or bringing me down.

For anyone that follows me on instagram you’ll know that I’ve gone through phases where my health and fitness was such a big focus. I was following all sorts of people to help inspire, motivate and encourage me. Initially this did help but more recently the opposite was happening. Other people’s success, transformations, positivity was actually getting me down and making me feel pretty crap about myself. I wanted to be like them but didn’t know how to get there. One day something just clicked….why on earth was I trying to be like ‘them’? Surely the point was to be a better version of myself? I’ve known this all along but like so many others I got swept up in the…dare I say it…cruel world of social media. The world that is forever telling you what you should be doing, what you should be eating and how you should be feeling. Well I say bollocks to all that! This is me, like it or lump it. 

So last week I went on a culling spree…I unfollowed all the profiles that no longer inspired me, made me feel crap or no longer had a positive effect on me. And you know what? It felt bloody amazing!! And I guess over time I’ve been doing the same in my actual life as well. Figuring out what was no longer good for me and getting rid or backing away from it. And I’m going to continue to do this…if something or someone is not good for my mental state then I’m afraid it’s out! 🙅🏽

I think that’s the big thing I’ve learned…my mental wellbeing is way more important then my physical wellbeing. I’m talking about me personally. A lot of people say when they feel stressed, down or even depressed they exercise and it makes them feel better. I agree that this does work. But I think for me it’s the opposite…if I’m unhappy, struggling mentally or just in a dark place well you’ll be lucky to get me out of bed some days. So the chances of physical activity happening are slim to none. I have to get my mental state in a good place and then the rest will follow…and this week I think it finally started to happen. 

After an amazing weekend away with my girls I came home feeling motivated, in high spirits and generally more focused and happy. On Monday I had my first personal training session in well over a year….I went to a spin class on Wednesday with two of the girls from work and remembered how much I loved it. And on Friday night I swapped my evening in front of the tv with a glass of wine for a circuits class at the gym! 😊

And yes I know I’ve done this many times before and not stuck with it but this time I’m going to try my hardest not to make it a focus. I’ll do the things I enjoy, when I can. I’ll experiment in the kitchen with more healthy foods but I won’t cut out the things I love…(totally went to Maccy’s drive thru yesterday! 😜). Basically, I will do what’s right for me at the time. I just set myself up for failure by setting goals because I become too focused or obsessed and inevitably when I fail I get depressed and I’m back at square one!

So….a little late for my new year, new start. But who cares! I’m here now and this is how I’m hoping to see the rest of the year out… 

1. Do what I want, when I want and how I want… 

2. If I’m not happy, review what I’m doing currently and then refer back to number 1! 

3. Be me! 

😘

Ps some photos (mainly Toby and food!) of the last few months…. 😂

Oh and for everyone wondering who the hell Joe is….apparently he’s my number 1 blog fan! 😂

Fit body bootcamp

Two weeks ago I got my ‘ready to fight’ attitude back. I was all raring to go with the gym, healthy eating and no more negativity. I started well. I signed up to some free trials of Fit Body Bootcamp’s HIIT circuit training sessions.


I found them on Facebook after seeing an advert for a 6 week transformation program. Now even I know 6 weeks is not long enough to drop the weight, get fit and tone up but it’d be a damn good start. So I gave a few of their sessions ago and really enjoyed them. 

The sessions are 30 minutes of high intensity style exercises. Mostly body weight exercises like burpees, push ups, squats, lunges etc. So very much what I’m used to after doing BBG. You do each exercise flat out for 30 seconds or a minute and take a short 5-10 second rest inbetween. Half an hour seems like nothing but believe me it’s one hell of a sweat session and it’s designed to get your body burning calories even after your done with the workout. The set up is basic but works. No fancy gym equipment other then some weights, battle ropes and some TRX bands. The groups are small and the trainers push you and make you work hard. I knew after a couple of sessions this was for me! 


So I decided to sign up to the next 6 week challenge which starts tomorrow! I’ll write more about it as the weeks go on but in a nutshell it’s 6 weeks of as many boot camp sessions you can do (I’m going to aim for 4-5 a week), a simple and effective food plan and trainers keep you on track and answer all your questions in the sessions and via a private Facebook group. 

As I had a week between my free sessions and the 6 week program starting up, I decided last week i’d just hit the gym to keep me ticking over until tomorrow. Unfortunately after a very fun bank holiday weekend with friends I had a car accident which left me quite sore and not feeling too great. I wasn’t badly hurt and the car can be fixed but it’s been a pain trying to get it sorted and to have to put the gym on hold. Oh and by the way….it wasn’t even my fault!!!! 

Anyway what’s done is done and I need to look to tomorrow and focus on the next step. This morning we had our induction to the 6 week program. I met the other ladies and the trainer, Oli (he also runs fit body bootcamp) and we had a good old chat about mindset. This has always been a big thing for me, mainly the reason I fail so often and have to keep restarting. Oli really made us think about the importance of mindset and how it can have a negative and positive impact on your fitness journey. In order to succeed I need to change my thinking and get rid of as much negativity as I can. My depression will not help me there but I’m hoping that by getting back into a good routine the endorphins and energy boost will help keep those negative thoughts at bay. It’s about breaking the cycle for me…I’ve done it before so I know I can do it again. 


After the induction I went and met my fitness friend Becca who I met through Instagram earlier this year. She joined me for the free bootcamp sessions last week. I’ve appointed her as chief motivator to keep me on track. She works her ass off at home and in the gym, sometimes twice a day. The progress she has made is amazing and she is a massive inspiration to me. Anyway we went for a lovely walk around a local park that until today never knew even existed lol! The sun was shining, we talked about all things fitness and we got a bit of a sweat on! It was lovely and we said we would try to make it a weekly event. 


Now although the 6 week program kicks off tomorrow, I’m away for a couple of days for work so they’ve suggested I start on Wednesday. However, I still intend to hit the hotel gym tomorrow and start the clean eating where possible. I’m generally ok with eating healthy when I need to but, for the first two weeks of this program carbs are banned. I am a little worried about that as my inner carb whore will no doubt struggle. But I want results so I need to do what is required. Like I said though, I officially start Wednesday so I’ll do what I can over the next two days but I won’t give myself a hard time if the odd potato ends up on my plate! 

Time for me to get some sleep now. I’ve an early start tomorrow and a busy week ahead!! 

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