Anxiety

I’ve never really understood anxiety before because I’ve never had it. The odd panic attack, years ago. But nothing for a while. Until a few months back….when all of a sudden it literally just hit me. Right in the face.

I was out with my team one afternoon and all of a sudden I felt the need to run away. Now, you might think that’s not weird when you’re with people from work. But my team are like my family. I love them…we are very close and to be honest when I feel shit I go to work knowing that they will get me through my day.

So this anxiety attack thankfully didn’t last all that long. But it still worried me. I don’t where it came from or why…. and then about a month later it happened again. Funnily enough before another work social event. But this time it was worse. It was the night before and I couldn’t breathe. My friend had to call me and calm me down. I couldn’t not go because it was a leaving do for someone on my team and I’d organised it.

Anyway I went, I survived and I didn’t freak out in the end.

What I hate is that it’s becoming a common occurrence. I have plans for something and then a few days before the anxiety kicks in. This weekend just gone, I was seeing my girls in Nottingham. Just a night in. And yet as it got closer I started to stress. I nearly bailed on going. And yet I got there and aside from the odd meltdown which I think only happened because I know they get me and understand….it was absolutely fine.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this. But I think it was mainly just to say this anxiety stuff is new to me. It’s presenting itself in situations I would never have imagined and it can be really scary. And I’m sorry for anyone who has to deal with this on a daily basis.

To end with a positive….I got the biggest hugs off this lot at the weekend ❤️

Advertisements

Frazzled 

That’s how I feel right now. Frazzled. I’ve gone from feeling up beat and positive to let me cry and sleep for the next 2 weeks…at least. 

Nothing bad is happening but my mind is on over drive and my days are going from mediocre to horrendous. A couple of days ago I could barely function at work and when I got home I felt like I was running on empty. Toby was being a shit for a start and after I finished yelling/crying at him I had to deal with everything else. Everything else involved tidying up, cooking dinner and just getting myself in a position where I was ready for the next day. Doesn’t sound terrible at all but I was drained. I had no energy left. I nearly fell asleep at the kitchen table at 6pm! 

Thankfully I talked to my friends….they listened, they told me what I needed to do and they got me through the night. So pulled up my girl pants and got on with it. And I survived…woop!! 

I’ve felt so much better since then but I’m still not quite on track. The gym will not be seeing my face this week as I can’t even think about that right now. Last night I barely slept because I was either in the bathroom or laying in bed having minor anxiety episodes about things that aren’t even that big a deal. 

I’m a worrier. An over thinker. And a general stress head. I don’t have anything particularly massive going on right now but that doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t go into over drive at times. My parents are back next week and I can’t wait to see them. I think a lot of what’s going on with me is related to that. I know that things will get easier when they’re home but I feel like the build up is weirdly stressing me out. I can’t explain why, but it just is. 

I do have a lot to get in order for their return. Mainly cleaning 🙄. But why that’s stressing me out I don’t know. I’ve got a catch up with some of my girls on Saturday night and whilst in one of my anxiety episodes last night I nearly cancelled on them. But I thankfully had a change of heart today and realized a time out with friends who get me and support me is something I probably need right now. 

So anyway, I’m really trying my best to switch off from the worrying thoughts and chill out this week. I’m doing better but my annoying mind likes to make things hard for me at times. But I will persevere, fight the evil voices and find that positivity again to get me through the weekend. And then as of Tuesday I have my folks back. And I’m not ashamed to say…that even at the age of 36, I cannot bloody wait!!!! 

Follow Shaena's Stuff on WordPress.com
%d bloggers like this: