Eat, sleep and move ❤️

This time last week I was on holiday countdown….how can it be that it’s all over already?! Alex and I had the best time….Croatia is a beautiful place and I definitely want to go back there again! Here are just a few pictures from our trip…


So anyway….back to reality and back to work tomorrow! Oddly I’m not feeling too sad about it to be honest. As much as we didn’t want to leave I made sure that I didn’t let the post holiday blues spiral and kill my positive attitude. I was tired when I got home today but dragged my ass to FBBC this evening and got back on it!!! 

Just want to go back to this time last week again. The Tuesday before I flew out to Croatia I had a little progress review with Oli from FBBC. We had a chat about how I was getting on and discussed my goals in more depth. I know my goals are realistic and achievable because I’ve done it before but we meeded to figure out why I couldn’t make the habits stick. There were a few different reasons but the two big ones for me were balance and my mental health struggles. 

First Oli talked me through what he called the depression triangle… 


I mean it’s pretty obvious really….eat well, exercise and give your body the rest it needs by getting a decent nights sleep! When I’m in this routine if you like, everything feels good. I’m brighter, more energetic and the depression leaves me alone. However, when any of these slip for more then a few days that’s when I’m in trouble. So I need to keep on top of these 3 things which I know I can do but I have to avoid burnout. 

That brings me onto balance. The reason my healthy habits won’t stick is because I’m an all or nothing kinda girl. I’ll workout like a crazy person for weeks/months at a time but then all of a sudden it’ll stop. I get exhausted so I start with a rest day,which turns into a few rest days and then all of a sudden 2 weeks have gone by and I don’t even know where my training shoes are anymore! Same goes for food….ill be pretty strict with myself and then I’ll just binge for a week. So the routine starts to fall apart and before you know depression is knocking at my door again with its friends; self loathing, failure and what’s the point. The sleepless nights kick in and everything just falls apart. 

So how do I avoid that? Well, Oli asked how many times a week I wanted to train. I said 5….he looked at me and said “no more then 3!” I must have looked horrified because he then said…”ok then, 4″. But then he asked me to think about it on a larger scale rather then focus on a week. He suggested that I work on the basis that there are 4 weeks in a month (roughly) so multiply that by 4 sessions and you have 16. So I have to aim for 16 sessions a month but keep the routine flexible. This way if I’m too busy at work or having too much on one week I can just get a couple of sessions in. But on a quieter week I might do 5 or 6. This made much more sense to me and hopefully will help me avoid that “I messed up because I didn’t make it to Monday’s session” feeling. 

So now the holiday is out of the way it’s time to get on and smash my goals whilst hopefully remaining positive, energetic and balanced. 


So off to bed now to get at least 8 hours sleep….so I can conquer the world tomorrow 💕

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Fit body bootcamp

Two weeks ago I got my ‘ready to fight’ attitude back. I was all raring to go with the gym, healthy eating and no more negativity. I started well. I signed up to some free trials of Fit Body Bootcamp’s HIIT circuit training sessions.


I found them on Facebook after seeing an advert for a 6 week transformation program. Now even I know 6 weeks is not long enough to drop the weight, get fit and tone up but it’d be a damn good start. So I gave a few of their sessions ago and really enjoyed them. 

The sessions are 30 minutes of high intensity style exercises. Mostly body weight exercises like burpees, push ups, squats, lunges etc. So very much what I’m used to after doing BBG. You do each exercise flat out for 30 seconds or a minute and take a short 5-10 second rest inbetween. Half an hour seems like nothing but believe me it’s one hell of a sweat session and it’s designed to get your body burning calories even after your done with the workout. The set up is basic but works. No fancy gym equipment other then some weights, battle ropes and some TRX bands. The groups are small and the trainers push you and make you work hard. I knew after a couple of sessions this was for me! 


So I decided to sign up to the next 6 week challenge which starts tomorrow! I’ll write more about it as the weeks go on but in a nutshell it’s 6 weeks of as many boot camp sessions you can do (I’m going to aim for 4-5 a week), a simple and effective food plan and trainers keep you on track and answer all your questions in the sessions and via a private Facebook group. 

As I had a week between my free sessions and the 6 week program starting up, I decided last week i’d just hit the gym to keep me ticking over until tomorrow. Unfortunately after a very fun bank holiday weekend with friends I had a car accident which left me quite sore and not feeling too great. I wasn’t badly hurt and the car can be fixed but it’s been a pain trying to get it sorted and to have to put the gym on hold. Oh and by the way….it wasn’t even my fault!!!! 

Anyway what’s done is done and I need to look to tomorrow and focus on the next step. This morning we had our induction to the 6 week program. I met the other ladies and the trainer, Oli (he also runs fit body bootcamp) and we had a good old chat about mindset. This has always been a big thing for me, mainly the reason I fail so often and have to keep restarting. Oli really made us think about the importance of mindset and how it can have a negative and positive impact on your fitness journey. In order to succeed I need to change my thinking and get rid of as much negativity as I can. My depression will not help me there but I’m hoping that by getting back into a good routine the endorphins and energy boost will help keep those negative thoughts at bay. It’s about breaking the cycle for me…I’ve done it before so I know I can do it again. 


After the induction I went and met my fitness friend Becca who I met through Instagram earlier this year. She joined me for the free bootcamp sessions last week. I’ve appointed her as chief motivator to keep me on track. She works her ass off at home and in the gym, sometimes twice a day. The progress she has made is amazing and she is a massive inspiration to me. Anyway we went for a lovely walk around a local park that until today never knew even existed lol! The sun was shining, we talked about all things fitness and we got a bit of a sweat on! It was lovely and we said we would try to make it a weekly event. 


Now although the 6 week program kicks off tomorrow, I’m away for a couple of days for work so they’ve suggested I start on Wednesday. However, I still intend to hit the hotel gym tomorrow and start the clean eating where possible. I’m generally ok with eating healthy when I need to but, for the first two weeks of this program carbs are banned. I am a little worried about that as my inner carb whore will no doubt struggle. But I want results so I need to do what is required. Like I said though, I officially start Wednesday so I’ll do what I can over the next two days but I won’t give myself a hard time if the odd potato ends up on my plate! 

Time for me to get some sleep now. I’ve an early start tomorrow and a busy week ahead!! 

Get back up and fight 

I’ve just finished reading Khloe Kardashian’s Strong looks better naked. Never thought I’d find myself turning to a Kardashian for inspiration but life is full of surprises. I loved her book. She shared her thoughts on how to make yourself a stronger and better person…inside and out. 

A lot of what she said resonated with me and although when you have a mental illness it’s not as simple as pick yourself and move forward….her get back up and fight attitude really made me rethink where I am right now. 

As I said in my last post I’m doing ok. What I’d like though, is to be doing better then ok. I’ve been knocked down many times and have got back up again so I know that I have it in me (somewhere) to do the same again. 

Depression can sometimes become a dark comfort. A place where it’s ok to be negative. A bubble of sadness where no one can hurt you because, well, you’re already in pain. It’s a ‘safe’ place where you don’t have to try anymore. I’ll admit, sometimes it’s just easier to hide there. But how’s that helping anyone? Simple. It’s not. 

So….I need to get back up and fight. No one else is going to save me. No one else can help me heal. No one else can bring me back to life. It’s all down to me. 


I loved this paragraph in Khloe’s book. It really made me think. Ok so for me it takes a little extra help….I can’t just pick myself up and dust myself off. Medication and therapy is required…but that’s ok isn’t it?! Im unwell, I have an illness that will never completely go away. So getting back up after a stumble for me is a lot harder. But I know I can do it. It just takes time, strength and self belief. You have to want it or it won’t happen. 

3 weeks ago I was wishing my life was over. Today, I can see a little light again. I’m not sure whether it’s in me or lighting the way forward but I’m just glad it’s there. I’m ready to get back up and fight X 

I’m sorry….I just can’t cope right now 

The title of this post might be a bit misleading as I think I’m actually doing ok at the moment. I’m getting out of bed, going to work (and actually doing work most days) and maintaining a fairly normal home life….by that I mean I still remember to feed my dog, occasionally cook a meal and of course help my mum around the house. Not going to lie, I’ve not been the best help….but I’m doing what I can. Depression is exhausting and for those that don’t quite get it it might just sound like an excuse to be lazy but seriously….sometimes I can’t even be bothered to get up and go to the bathroom to pee I’m so tired. I just wanted to talk about how hard it can be at times even when we show to others we are ok. 

Tiredness comes in different forms. There’s the obvious just wanting to sleep a lot. I like to be in bed by 9 these days. Any later and the stress starts to kick in. Not sure why because for the last few weeks I’ve actually been sleeping ok. But….bed is where I want to be. There are also often days where I end up napping on the couch. I was never much of a napper but it’s becoming quite a regular thing for me…especially at weekends.

And then there’s the mental tiredness. Where you can’t sleep but you can’t function. The brain just says no. And in all honesty…when that happens, all I want is to hide under my duvet. Unfortunately that’s not always possible so I have to push through it and get on with my day. 

Having a mental illness sucks. Because nobody can see it. It’s just there and it comes and goes without warning. sometimes there are triggers, sometimes you just wake up and you want the ground to swallow you up. That’s how it is for me anyway. 

The thoughts that go through my head sometimes, are beyond ridiculous. I know that. But I feel them. And most of the time I believe them. Those demons are a pain in the ass!!!

On a good day I find distractions….I keep busy, work is good, I chat with family and friends and I watch tv until my eyes no longer stay open. I like those days, no time to think. No time for demons. 

But there are bad days. Obviously. On those days even the fact that I’ve woken up destroys me. And then I have to deal with the day, deal with people, go to work……function. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s. Just. Not. Fun. 

My mum said to me the other day. Everyone goes through bad times, you just need to learn to cope better. I can understand where she’s coming from…but here’s the thing. On an average day I’m already trying to fight my way through, cope with things that others wouldn’t even give a second thought to…I’m trying my hardest to survive. So….when something bad happens, I fall. Because I’m all spent on the ok days. I have no energy left for the tough times. I give up. I fall apart. I crumble. 

Mental health is different for everyone that suffers. For me it’s a daily battle to beat the demons and make it to the next sunrise. 

I didn’t ask for this, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone and I hope that this post helps people realise how horrible this can be. 

Where’s your head at??? 

Ummm….all over the place. But!!! The dark grey heavy clouds parted over the weekend. I saw brightness again. Not much but enough to know I can pick myself, dust myself off and find my way again. 

My heart still aches for the boy. But now more so because I know he’s in pain too. And I can’t do anything to help him. I understand to some extent how he’s feeling because I’ve been there many times. But it doesn’t mean I can help him. Firstly I don’t think he will let me, second I need to make sure I focus on myself first and lastly…you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. All I can do is be there for him. So that’s what I’m doing. 

But me first. I need to make sure of that. I don’t want to rush into anything so I’m just taking it a day at a time. I’ve piled on the lbs again and I know I need to sort that out. But at the moment getting myself out of bed, into work and functioning as normal as possible is enough for now. I am ready to start moving forward again…just very slowly.

As for the boy. Well people are confused and a little negative about us still even talking. I understand why. But at the same time no one is in my shoes. We care about each other. I’m at a point in my life where finding people you connect with is rare. I don’t want him to go through his pain alone so if I can be there for him I will do it. 

I’m not doing this in the hopes he will change his mind. I’m doing this because I care about him and I don’t want him to suffer alone. But in order to be there for him I need to get myself sorted first. So that’s my first goal. Me. 

How I’m feeling 

Numb

Hurt

Broken

Lost

Empty

Worthless 

Tired 

Exhausted 

Flat

Sad 

The course of true love never did run smooth 

I’ve always tried to be as open and honest when writing my blog posts. So I intend to do the same with this one even though deep down I feel stupid, pathetic and slightly embarrassed. 

Last week I fell from cloud 9 with a huge thud. That boy I was telling you about…well, he is no more. I don’t want to go into details as the wounds are still very raw and will be for some time but the sad part is that our feelings for each other never changed. I still care deeply for him and I know he does for me too. All I can really say is that maybe it wasn’t the right time for us. 

Needless to say it hit me pretty hard. I really did think this was it. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly only for it to fall apart just as quick. I know so many people are thinking how can I be so heartbroken over such a short relationship. Well, I didn’t expect it either. I’m not going to try and justify my feelings because it is what it is. 

So what now? Ive just been trying to pick myself back up to be honest. Until today I’ve not been all that successful. I’ve not been sleeping, I’ve felt numb and empty and all those insecurities that I’m forever trying to fight off have resurfaced. The demons have well and truly returned!! 

I wanted to give in…I really did. Not because I got dumped. But because I’m tired. Tired of being on my own. Tired of waiting for the right guy to come along. I kept but think again it’s something about me. Why can’t I just get something right? Why can’t things work out for me? I know it’s not the be all and end all in life but it is something I want and at 35 years old I’m beginning to wonder if it will ever happen for me. 

I don’t mean to sound all woe is me. I’m just trying to be honest about what’s been going on and how I’m feeling. What’s happened has stirred up a lot of dark memories and feelings from my past and I feel like I’m back at square one all over again. 

Anyway as I said I’ve been feeling very low until today. I wouldn’t say I’m feeling loads better but I did drag myself back into the gym today and I’m back on the healthy eating! Let’s face it I don’t want to be heartbroken and fat so back to being a gym bunny it is! 

Time 

Time is a great healer they say. I do believe that. Heartbreak, sad times, painful moments….given enough time these things fade and we learn to let go or move on.

But there are times when we are often reminded of those moments. Not for very long and less painful then the last time but they are still there. Today is one of those days for me.

Today I will have thoughts of regret and sadness and my heart will ache a bit. But I know now that however painful life’s lessons are they teach us things that make us stronger and braver. So I will allow myself to feel these thoughts, just for today. But tomorrow I will let it go….until the next time. 

Oh em gee! (Part 2)

This weekend has been absolutely crazy! I feel like I’ve not stopped yet, I also don’t feel like I’ve anything to show for how exhausted I feel right now… 

I’m in bed as I write this post watching the clock get further away from what I like to call bed time. But I promised you some more oh my glow detox deets so here they are… 

Ok, so the other 5 gorgeous ingredients that make up the blend are… 

   
    
   
Again you can see each one has some amazing benefits. For me anything that helps with digestion I’ll quite happily grab on to! I’ve had tummy issues for years now and tying to keep those troubles at bay can be difficult so knowing I’m giving my tummy a helping hand to stay happy and content is a bonus. And who doesn’t want clearer skin, more energy and a little help to keep those extra lbs off the hips?!! I know I do!! 

  

So there you have it. 

10 ingredients

 2 teaspoons. 

1 dose a day. 

And this is what you get….

  
Today I was rushing around and in and out the house quite a bit so didn’t have much time to use my detox powder in anything exciting. So, rather then miss out I just mixed it up in about 200ml of water and downed like a boss! Think of it as a shot of healthy goodness…that actually tasted pretty ok. Like a fruit juice almost! On the up coming weeks I’ll be posting more recipes and stuff you can use your powder in and let you know how I’m feeling during my omgdetox experience so check out my posts @shaenas_stuff 👍

Ok I really do need to sleep now. I have body pump at 7am so this boss babe needs her beauty sleep! 😘

Ps don’t forget, order at omgdetox.com and use my 10% discount code – omgshaena10 xxx 

One perfect week 

I know there’s still one more day of the week left and I don’t want to jinx anything, but….. I think I might have actually done everything I intended to do this week!!

Last Sunday my weeks goal was to get through all my BBG workouts, hit the gym where ever possible, eat as healthy as possible, no treats and no alcohol. Actually I’ve not had a drink since New Year’s Day so I’m doing pretty well there anyway and intend to keep it that way until my holiday at the end of Feb!

Anyway…where was I?! Ok, so on Sunday evening I made myself a stash of egg muffins filled with lots of yummy goodness such as smoked salmon and spinach. These were going to be my breakfast for the coming week! 

  
I’m so naughty and never really eat breakfast. Then I find myself raiding the vending machine mid morning because I can’t hang on until lunch….normally scoffing down a bag of crisps and then wondering why I can’t lose weight!!! But not this week, this week I was a good girl. I had my egg muffin every morning and if I was hungry after I followed it up with a banana or some almonds and raisins! 

Lunches were yummy this week too. There were lots of eggs involved 🙊 I aimed to cut down my carb intake and eat more protein and veggies. Tried to do the same with breakfast on the days I was at home too. And me and mum did our best to eat clean in the evenings too. Lots of veggies, fish, and lentils. I have to admit this is the first time I’ve enjoyed eating so healthy. Not once have I craved anything naughty or wanted to cheat. It’s been easier then I thought and it’s made me feel so much better. 

  
So I did good on my eating!! Next up was exercise. I started off on Monday night…came home from work and threw on my workout gear straight away. First up was BBG week 1 – legs!!! Arghhhh!!! Half an hour of lunges, squats and step ups. Sounds easy….but believe me it’s not! Still I got it done and felt great for it. 

As I mentioned in my last post I had my fitness assessment in the gym on Tuesday night. Despite my poor results I came away with a fairly decent exercise plan which I did again on Thursday and this morning. Wednesday was BBG – arms and abs….killer!!! And Friday was BBG – full body, which is basically taking bits from both Monday and Wednesday’s circuits. I also got in a couple of LISS (low intensity stead state) sessions and plan on finishing off with a nice long walk tomorrow afternoon. 

  
So there you have it, healthy eating and all my workouts complete for the week. And you know what? I feel bloody amazing!!! Makes me wonder why it took me so long to get my ass into gear and just do it. But I think until you’re ready to really try hard and until your head is completely in the game it’s unlikely it’ll happen as easy as it has done for me this week. I guess it’s just all about timing and how much you really want to change things. 

Today I treated myself to a blissful Indian head massage as well. Thought it would be a nice way to end the week and help me chill out after a very busy few days. It’s definitely something I’m going to get done more regularly. It’s really helped me relax this afternoon. My mind feels more at peace at the moment. There seems to be almost no noise, no darkness and no fear. I can’t tell you what’s changed because I don’t know myself. But things are feeling good at the moment. I’m feeling good. I looked in the mirror today and I can already see a change in my face. Not weight loss as such but just healthier, brighter…..and I guess happier. 

So this is me almost at the end of my one perfect week. Feeling great 😊 xx 

  

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