Frazzled 

That’s how I feel right now. Frazzled. I’ve gone from feeling up beat and positive to let me cry and sleep for the next 2 weeks…at least. 

Nothing bad is happening but my mind is on over drive and my days are going from mediocre to horrendous. A couple of days ago I could barely function at work and when I got home I felt like I was running on empty. Toby was being a shit for a start and after I finished yelling/crying at him I had to deal with everything else. Everything else involved tidying up, cooking dinner and just getting myself in a position where I was ready for the next day. Doesn’t sound terrible at all but I was drained. I had no energy left. I nearly fell asleep at the kitchen table at 6pm! 

Thankfully I talked to my friends….they listened, they told me what I needed to do and they got me through the night. So pulled up my girl pants and got on with it. And I survived…woop!! 

I’ve felt so much better since then but I’m still not quite on track. The gym will not be seeing my face this week as I can’t even think about that right now. Last night I barely slept because I was either in the bathroom or laying in bed having minor anxiety episodes about things that aren’t even that big a deal. 

I’m a worrier. An over thinker. And a general stress head. I don’t have anything particularly massive going on right now but that doesn’t mean my mind doesn’t go into over drive at times. My parents are back next week and I can’t wait to see them. I think a lot of what’s going on with me is related to that. I know that things will get easier when they’re home but I feel like the build up is weirdly stressing me out. I can’t explain why, but it just is. 

I do have a lot to get in order for their return. Mainly cleaning 🙄. But why that’s stressing me out I don’t know. I’ve got a catch up with some of my girls on Saturday night and whilst in one of my anxiety episodes last night I nearly cancelled on them. But I thankfully had a change of heart today and realized a time out with friends who get me and support me is something I probably need right now. 

So anyway, I’m really trying my best to switch off from the worrying thoughts and chill out this week. I’m doing better but my annoying mind likes to make things hard for me at times. But I will persevere, fight the evil voices and find that positivity again to get me through the weekend. And then as of Tuesday I have my folks back. And I’m not ashamed to say…that even at the age of 36, I cannot bloody wait!!!! 

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Easter blues 

Happy Easter!!! Bleurgh! 

Sorry…I really do hope you’re all having a nice start to the long weekend. I however am not. Last week I started dreading Easter weekend. I was being such a Moaning Myrtle whenever anyone asked what I was up to. Basically Easter weekend for me is generally 4 days off of being fairly miserable and Billy no mates. Now before you think I’m just being melodramatic let me try and explain…

It’s just another long weekend…right? Not that different from Christmas? Which I actually spent alone and was totally fine with. But here’s the difference… At Christmas it’s winter. There is copious amounts of TV to watch and it’s perfectly acceptable to hibernate and be a social recluse whilst cosying up with a glass of wine, comfort food and binge watching Christmas movies. 

Fast forward 4 months.. Easter weekend is generally a brighter and more sociable holiday weekend. People are out and about doing things. Going away for mini breaks. Spending time with family and friends. However, for us single folk Easter can be kinda shitty. 

I don’t have many single friends…and I have no family within a 9 hour flight away. So my options are limited. And yes I know it’s not the end of the world but all I’m saying is that it can get lonely. I think social media has a lot to do with it as if I wasn’t having to see what everyone else was up to this weekend then it wouldn’t feel that bad. But sadly….that’s just how it is. 

Anyway a friend of mine tried to help me make my dreaded 4 day weekend less crappy. We decided on all the things I could do this weekend so I wouldn’t feel such a miserable cow. Admittedly they were lone activities but they were going to keep me busy none the less. And then….the plague hit!

I wasn’t feel that great yesterday but I’ve had a fairly busy couple of weeks so put it down to that. At 4pm I turned my laptop off and then it happened. HELLO ILLNESS!!

Within an hour I was laying on the sofa. Unable to move, eat, get warm or sleep. This continued until I fell asleep at about 11.30 last night. I haven’t been this sick in ages and I felt dreadful. So suddenly my Easter weekend went from being alone to being sick and alone. 😭

This is not me wanting sympathy. It’s not a pity post. It’s just me trying to explain why sometimes when you are on your own things can kinda suck. I’ve had people try and give me advice on what to do and how to keep busy but honestly if you’ve not been here then you don’t really know. 

Not one of my most positive posts but this is what’s on my mind and that’s what my blog is meant to be about. So apologies if you think I’m just having a whinge but I’m just sharing my thoughts and feelings….

Moaning Myrtle….over and out! 

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