House for one please! 

My house purchase is far from final but as it could potentially be complete in the next 2 months I need to start thinking of how I’m going to fill my new home. 
I started to make a little list over the last week or so. Stuff that I really need in my new house…and the stuff that can wait. 

Necessities:

• bed

• washing machine 

• wardrobe 

• kettle, toaster, iron (+board) 

• dinner set 

Doesn’t sound much but when you add up the cost…..jeez!!! I’m lucky that a few things the current owners are leaving behind and mum and dad are giving me stuff which they no longer need so it’s not like I have nothing. But I still need a few things to get me started and it ain’t gonna be cheap. 

So this is the reality of single person house buying. Finding a nice place I could afford a mortgage for on my own was just the first hurdle. Now I need to buy all this stuff. I’m going to be poor forever!!!

Obviously lots of people do it but I’m sure most people buy their first place with someone whether it be a partner or relative or whatever. It must make it so much easier to furnish a place when there are at least two of you. At first I thought being on my own I wouldn’t need as much stuff. But it’s not like I can buy half a bed or a one person dinner set…I still need to spend pretty much the same as two people would on home furnishings and appliances. 
So how will I do it? Well for starters I’ll probably have no life. And I guess my priorities with money will be so different. 

My parents were confused as to why I don’t have many savings. But honestly I think when you’re single you just end up spending more money. If you live alone you can save by staying in more often and cut back on the social life. But then you have the danger of becoming a social recluse. If you live with someone at least you can stay in with another person. And buying food for one isn’t easy either….you end up wasting a lot of stuff or eating the same meals for lunch and dinner on consecutive days. And bills, I don’t think you’d use much more electricity or gas being a two but at least you can split the cost. 

I don’t mean to be woe is me…little miss singleton. But the reality is that it’s harder on your own. But what’s the alternative…live at home waiting in vain to find someone I can do all this with? Or bite the bullet and just do it on my own?! 

I really am excited about finally get my own place. But the thought of it is also a bit daunting. But you know what…it’ll be mine. Just mine. My first house funded by me (and a little bit by my parents 🙈). 

LIFE

I’m in bed at the moment continuing my addiction to documentaries….for the last few weeks I’ve watched the majority of Netflix docos that have had a 4 star plus  rating. Not going to lie…I have a weird fascination when it comes to crime based docos….especially murder ones. Not because I’m a psychopath, but I’m just intrigued by the human brain and how it can work in such a way that it allows people to think it’s ok take someone else’s life. 

Yesterday was my rest day. I’ve felt a little burnt out lately…too much going on. So I told myself that Saturday was going to be my day off. A day off from everything. I woke up as normal around 7.30am….fell asleep again….then around 9.00am I was fully awake. I turned on my tv and started on my doco journey. I stayed in bed until midday…it was great. I then had breakfast, had a shower and got dressed. And then I relocated to the sofa where I continued on my journey…. 

A few of my documentary recommendations have come from my friends at work. We seem to have regular discussions on what we have watched recently and what we should add to our lists! After this weeks conversation yesterday’s delights were mainly about death row, serial killers and gangster crime! And I wonder why I’m still single……!!!! 

Amongst all this monotonous tv viewing I had some news. Some sad news about a family member. It made me think about life. My life. Life in general. Life on earth. 

This weekend I’ve learned about so many different lives. People who have suffered, people who have killed, people who have feared for their lives and people who have given up. 

Watching the programs I did this weekend touched on so many emotions. Anger, frustration, sadness….and guilt. 

The guilt is there and will always be there. Because there have been times in my life that I’ve decided I’m done. That I just can’t be bothered to fight anymore. That it’s too much for me. I’ve put my loved ones through hell in these moments. Are they moments of selfishness? I don’t know. But what I do know is that they are moments of desperation, suffocation, hopelessness and  defeat. 

I look back with regret. But I cannot say those moments and thoughts are gone forever. I’m just doing my best to build the biggest and strongest wall between me and them.

Life is unpredictable guys. Life can be short. Life can be long. But we just don’t know how the hell its going to turn out. So do the best you can, live the best life, and don’t sit in bed watching documentaries like me xxx 

6 x 6 = ? 

36!!! Thirty bloody six!!! How the hell did that happen?? I’m not there yet…but it’s less then 2 weeks away and I’m totally freaking out!! 

Every year I tell myself…this year will be different. This year you will do things. This will be your year, Shaena. It never is. Ever year passes and I feel like barely survived. Don’t get me wrong…good things have happened this year. Really good things. Toby came into my life, my little sister came home for Christmas, my best friend got married in the Alps and I got to go to the wedding, I had a fabulous holiday in Croatia with said best friend, I fell in love, I spent some quality time with my parents and I made it this far…. I made it to t-minus 12 days to my 36th birthday! 

But amongst all of that good stuff, as always there have bumps….obstacles….a lot of crap. Some of these things were as small as speed humps in the road. A sort of…ugh….that was annoying and slowed me down. Sometimes they were a bit bigger. I’d get stuck there for a day or two and needed to rest before I could get over them and carry on. And then there were the road blocks. That stopped me dead in my tracks. I fell to the ground and stayed there for days…sometimes longer. Wanting to give up but hearing the voices of all of the people that cared about me to keep on trying. Asking me to pick myself up, gather all my strength and destroy that road block! 

I did. It worked. I’m still here.

So how am I doing? Ok I guess. Work is crazy busy and I’m still doing my sessions with fit body bootcamp but not as much as I’d like to. I haven’t done any sessions at home which I’m disappointed with but I’m so tired all the time. Some times physically but most of the time mentally. I do have one exciting thing happening at the moment though…I’m in the process of buying a house. Never thought I’d say that…me, buy a house. But it’s happening….and fingers crossed all being well I’ll have a lovely little home for me and Toby to move into before Christmas. 

I guess that’s something to be proud of. Although it would no be happening without the help of bank of mum and dad. What would I do without them! They keep me going, they support me when I’m struggling and they fight for me even harder then I do for myself at times. 

So 36….what do you have in store for me? Good things I hope…and for the not so good I hope I’ve got it in me to get through another year X 

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