The course of true love never did run smooth 

I’ve always tried to be as open and honest when writing my blog posts. So I intend to do the same with this one even though deep down I feel stupid, pathetic and slightly embarrassed. 

Last week I fell from cloud 9 with a huge thud. That boy I was telling you about…well, he is no more. I don’t want to go into details as the wounds are still very raw and will be for some time but the sad part is that our feelings for each other never changed. I still care deeply for him and I know he does for me too. All I can really say is that maybe it wasn’t the right time for us. 

Needless to say it hit me pretty hard. I really did think this was it. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly only for it to fall apart just as quick. I know so many people are thinking how can I be so heartbroken over such a short relationship. Well, I didn’t expect it either. I’m not going to try and justify my feelings because it is what it is. 

So what now? Ive just been trying to pick myself back up to be honest. Until today I’ve not been all that successful. I’ve not been sleeping, I’ve felt numb and empty and all those insecurities that I’m forever trying to fight off have resurfaced. The demons have well and truly returned!! 

I wanted to give in…I really did. Not because I got dumped. But because I’m tired. Tired of being on my own. Tired of waiting for the right guy to come along. I kept but think again it’s something about me. Why can’t I just get something right? Why can’t things work out for me? I know it’s not the be all and end all in life but it is something I want and at 35 years old I’m beginning to wonder if it will ever happen for me. 

I don’t mean to sound all woe is me. I’m just trying to be honest about what’s been going on and how I’m feeling. What’s happened has stirred up a lot of dark memories and feelings from my past and I feel like I’m back at square one all over again. 

Anyway as I said I’ve been feeling very low until today. I wouldn’t say I’m feeling loads better but I did drag myself back into the gym today and I’m back on the healthy eating! Let’s face it I don’t want to be heartbroken and fat so back to being a gym bunny it is! 

Back to reality 

  My life has been turned upside down in the most amazing way these last few weeks. I’ve realised now why my past relationships have never worked. The boy has made me see how it should be. I know it’s still early days but I have this feeling. A feeling I’ve never had before and it feels good. He makes me feel every emotion possible and likes me for who I am. 

He’s away this weekend at a wedding in Kent. Kinda sucks but I think it’ll be good for us to miss each other. There have been 3 phone calls already…and a lot of messages 🙈🙈

Anyway this weekend I’m going to get this life, my life, back on track. Restore some normality. Mum is back next week and I literally cannot wait. We had the best few months together when she came home for Christmas. It’s the longest time I’ve spent with her where it’s just been the two of us and I loved it. Having her home will help me get back into a proper routine. Mums are good like that 😁. So it’s back to the gym, back to BBG and back to proper clean eating!!! 
I’m not afraid to admit it all fell by the way side since she left. First there was Chamonix and just as I pulled myself out of the post holiday blues the boy appeared. 

But I just wanted to enjoy it. The early days when you can’t concentrate at work because all you want to do is see him. Nothing matters except the person who makes you happier then you’ve been in a long time. 

BUT!!!! Reality has to resurface at some point. And I’m ready to get back to it….but now with a gorgeous guy in tow😍

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