Life is a rollercoaster…

What a week!!! Started out having a bit of a wobbly start with it being a rough time of year for me. Trying to distract myself in work and at the gym. But when something is on your mind you can only block it out for so long. Had a bit of a meltdown on my PT this week…but had a good chat, talked through where my head was at and refocused on my goals. I feel better for the chat, it helps to have people around you that know what’s going on. Talking helps…always!

Had an exam in work this week as part of my accreditation. OMG! Have not had to revise for years and I’m not going to lie I was not prepared at all. Got to the point where an hour before the exam I was like, if I don’t know it now I never will. It was horrible…I couldn’t even write my name on the answer sheet. But somehow…miraculously, I came out not only passing but with a very respectable 72.5%!! I was so relieved!! I think a lot of it was luck but hey, I passed….that’s all that matters! Next one is in Feb…will definitely try a bit harder for that one!

And then Friday happened. Best. Day Ever. I got home, turned on the laptop and booked my flights for my trip back Down Under!!! I always knew I was going to go but booking the flights and having it all confirmed was such an amazing feeling. I was excited, emotional and nervous all at the same time!! I cannot wait to see all my family and friends…and I hope after this time away with me ‘fixing’ myself they will all see a positive change. Roll on March!!!!! 🙂

I’ve worked really hard in the gym this week as well. 5 PT sessions, 3 spin classes and a body pump class in 7 days!!! GO ME!! To be honest I have used it as a bit of a distraction…but hey, what ever works!? And it’s really good to have a supportive trainer who does go above and beyond sometimes! If you’re reading this Rich…thanks for being a good egg! 🙂

And so the week is over….time to chill out and get ready for the next one! I can’t see myself going through the next couple of weeks without having the odd bad day but in general I think I’m holding it together pretty well. Christmas is always going to be hard for me but I know my head is in a better place and I’ve got some good people around me so I know it’s going to be okay 🙂

Dealing with the past

Every so often decisions you made in the past rear their ugly head and take you back to a time that you’d rather not go back to. Two years ago I had something happen which changed my life…it was unexpected, scary and I felt very alone and lost. I had to make a decision which although was right at the time I will probably think about for the rest of my life. That decision along with other things took me to a very dark place for a while. I became a different person…not me…broken. I got to a point where I didn’t want to carry on anymore…I gave up.

It was the worst point in my life so far. But somehow I got through it and I’m here today a much stronger person. I’ve accepted what happened, I’ve learned from it and I’ve picked myself and continued onto a much better place. But big things like that never leave us. They may get buried away and I admit I go weeks, sometimes even months without thinking about it but it never really goes away. And at the moment that thing, that point in my life…it’s on my mind a lot.

Today has been particularly difficult. I’m no longer surrounded with people who were with me at the time so don’t know what’s going on in my head right now. That’s ok..sometimes it’s best that people don’t know. But it can also be a little lonely and hard. So I felt I needed to write about this today just to help release some of what I’m feeling. Sad, heartbroken, lost… A few people who do know where I’m at told me it’s ok to have a cry and get it all out so that’s what I’ve done today. I feel better for it xx

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