Remembering The Dark Side

Sometimes I forget about my blog….not because I’m overly busy or anything but just because when I first started it, it was all about me starting over and finding my way again. I’ve talked a lot about my health, fitness, moving home etc but sometimes even I forget that the reason I’m here, the reason I started all this was really to help me deal with my battle with depression. I didn’t want to keep the feelings, thoughts and emotions in anymore and I thought by sharing it on here it would help me. What I was surprised about was the amount of people who came to me after my first few posts and have told me how glad they are that I’ve shared my experiences as they have been through something similar and it was comforting to know they weren’t alone.

It’s been over 6 months since I started this and the reason my posts have slowed down are mainly because things are good. Life is plodding along nicely. I start a new job in a couple of weeks, I’m settling back into life in UK and although my health and fitness isn’t quite where I want it to be yet I’ve made a hell of a lot of progress since 12 months ago. But you never know what is round the corner…..or when things can change….

I don’t want to be all pessimistic here but I do have to be constantly aware of my thoughts and feelings. A small part of me does fear a relapse. Because honestly….you never know what can trigger it. I’ve been talking to a very good friend who I’ve recently reconnected with this last week and they are going through a very tough time. It came out of the blue, totally unexpected and it’s really scared them. Depression is scary. Especially when for so long you find yourself coping fairly well with everything life throws at you. And then one day…boom! It pushes you just that little bit too far and you start falling…deeper and deeper. And then before you know it you find yourself in this horribly dark place and you have no idea why you are there, how you got there and how the hell you are going to get out. It ain’t nice!

A Facebook friend posted something on her page today about mental health and how it’s still a bit of a hush hush topic. I think it’s getting better, but I do agree that people are still scared to talk about it. I’ve been lucky enough to be able help out my friend who is struggling with it at the moment but I really do think so many people go through similar things at some point in their lives and won’t, can’t or don’t talk about it. It’s a shame because if you put it out there, although it doesn’t seem like it at the time, people can help you. I know I could not have gotten through my experiences without my friends and family….and I’m glad my friend came to me last week because having gone through what I did I am now in a place to help. I can’t fix the problems but I can definitely provide reassurance and support. And believe me, when you are in that dark place that’s quite a big deal.

I guess this post is a little reminder to myself that life can knock you down unexpectedly. And it can happen to people you never expect it to as well. As strong as we might think we are, everyone has their limits and sadly some of us get pushed over them. So if you are going through something like this and feeling that you are alone, you are most certainly are not. Share your thoughts with someone please. And for those of you who know someone who might be going through something like this, even if you can’t fix their problems or you feel helpless, just be there to listen without judgement, to talk without pushing them or just simply sit with them in silence and show them they don’t have to go through it alone. It helps….it really does.




What’s been happening?

Oh! Em! Gee!

So I know it’s been a few weeks since I wrote last and I didn’t mean it to be that long. Things just got crazy and suddenly more then 3 weeks have gone by….why? Well, this is why….

Well firstly I got slack! With everything!! Work was full on and training was minimal. Then up until last weekend I’ve been in wedding frenzy!! A very close family friend got married and we had 10 days prepping, partying and everything else that goes with a family wedding. The first weekend we were down in lovely Somerset for the English ceremony. A beautiful church ceremony followed by a fab shebang of a reception!! And then just as it was time to recover the indian ceremony prep commenced!!! Although I wasn’t involved in all of the prep I was there for all of the mini ceremonies leading up to the big day and from the Saturday there was a lot going on. Plus work was busy that week as well so there was no time for resting, working out or blogging. The wedding on Sunday was really good. It was a long day but a fun day but oh my god was I exhausted by the time Monday hit. Thankfully I’d booked the day off but to be honest a day wasn’t quite enough. I was zombie at the start of the week and a moody one at that. But things picked up mid week and I braved my first run in over a fortnight on Wednesday evening after work. It was pretty tough but I got through it…with a little walking in between and it felt good to have done it. Went out this morning for another little run…just under 6km. Felt really good after and despite saying it quite a few times over the last month I definitely think I’m ready to get back on track with the training and focus on the next event. 4 weeks until the Twilight 10km mud run so I’ve a lot of work to do but I’m excited and hopeful that I will survive it and come out smiling at the end….I hope! 🙂

So….other then wedding stuff….I have news!!! Something I’ve known for a little while but not wanting to announce until it was official. I HAVE A JOB!!! Not just a temp one, not just one to fill a gap…but a proper new career!!!!!!

When I first came home I told myself that I would only stay here for the right thing. And that right thing has appeared. Back in May I applied for a job. It was completely on a whim and something you do when you are unemployed and looking for that something new when you are over 30 and wondering why you entered the original career you are working in. And then it happened….I got through to the last stage of the application process. When I got the phone call to say I’d got a conditional offer I couldn’t quite believe it. And here I am one month later….pre-employment checks are FINALLY complete and the offer is official!! The contract is signed, I have a start date and my amazing career is ready to begin and give me a reason to stay here in the UK! It’s going to be a challenging role but I am so excited and ready to get my life moving again.

So that’s what’s been happening. Weddings, not enough running and exciting job stuff!! I’ve a couple of weeks left at my current temp job then I’m taking a weeks break before I start my new job. Exciting times ahead people…..things are finally coming together!! 🙂 🙂

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